Originally I was put on disability because my migraines had turned from getting 3-4 a month, to getting one every single day of my life. Since then, I have been diagnosed with other issues. Currently, I am more scared then I have ever been in my entire life, but I am not giving up. I am still staying positive and staying focused on what I am fighting for. I am fighting to make the invisible illnesses, visible, to people that don't understand all the "invisibles" out there.
This week has been weird. I had to go to Infusion Center to get migraine cocktail and 2 liters of fluid. My cocktail consists of Magnesium-Sulfate, Phenegran, Toradol, Solu-Medrol, and Depacon. It takes about 6 hours. The infusion does not instantly make me feel great, but it helps. I usually have to rest a day or two before I start to feel the effects. It kicked the migraine I had by Tuesday, but by Tuesday night I had an atypical migraine for me. It was in the back of my head and pain shot all the way through my brain and out my left eye. I couldn't move without puking. Ugh! I think, really. Can't I have a day where I feel enough to actually get things accomplished and feel like a normal person? For now, the answer is no, but I am not giving up or giving in. I will fight to the bitter end.
I have internal bleeding going on somewhere, but doctors are unsure of where. Currently they are trying to be as least invasive as possible, due to my history. One of my doctors called my yesterday and told me that my blood levels are very low. He is worried. He wants me to set up an appointment with a hematologist, because my body is not producing enough blood. I don't know what that all means, and right now, I am ok not knowing. I didn't make the phone call today, because I just couldn't do it. I would just break down into tears. I am in a denial/this can't be happening phase.
Right now I need all the love, strength, prayers, positive thoughts, etc. that I can get. I am finding that I can't do this all myself. I wish I could. I hate asking for help. I am feeling pretty worthless right now, because I can never accomplish what I would like to do. I am so exhausted and just want to sleep all the time (I am sure it is because my hematocrit and hemaglobin are pretty low). I still push myself and try to do a couple things. I take Ozzy for his daily walk, even if it is only for 10 min.
I am terrified of it all right now, but I know that things will happen as they are supposed to. This is my trial and I accept. I will go through all these challenges, 1) because I obviously have a lot to learn and 2) I would rather it be me going through this than anybody I loved or cared about. I don't want my loved ones to ever have to experience something like this. I will take the pain and suffering to spare them. This is my trial and I will endure to the end.
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