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| I rise, I fall, I make mistakes, but I will not give up! |
I should have posted this a few weeks ago, but I just haven't been able to sit down and write this post without crying and being over come with emotion. About a month ago, I was struggling. I was so depressed. I was grieving the person I used to be. I was grieving because I was feeling so alone. I was so scared. I have been faced with many challenges this past year, more than just migraines. Most people don't really know what I suffer day in, day out. They only know what I choose to share or if they happen to see me while I am at my worst, they understand a little better. Mostly it is my husband, my girls, my Mom, and my bestie, Jamie, that see me suffer the most. Others see me suffer, but they usually see me with my brave face.
A few weeks ago at my daughter's dance competition, my right leg went numb, which has been happening more and more, and I took a bad fall. I felt awful. We had to leave the competition early because I was going down hill, fast. Luckily, they were very understanding.
I got home and went to get the mail. I opened up my mail box and it was chuck full of cards addressed to me. These cards came from all over the world, Germany, England, Canada, U.S. etc. All of these cards were from the Chronic Migraine Support group that I am in. I started to cry before I even opened the cards. As I read each card, I cried harder and harder. I couldn't believe that I had all this love and support from people all around the world. I was over come with emotion, so was my husband. I finally took my brave face off, I curled up in my chair and I cried for over an hour. I let it all out. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed some more. How was is possible to have all this love and support from people that don't even know me? Receiving all of those cards, meant so much to me. I had love from people I didn't even know. My husband was so touched and he is so grateful that I found CMA (chronic migraine awareness). I got bombed! by the CMA bomb squad. Meant so much to me.
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| I am a Migraine Warrior and I will never give up the fight! |
As I continue to fight, I have the support of my CMA family, that truly understand what I am going through. Others try, but it is hard when you can't comprehend living daily with chronic pain. CMA group has been a God send to me, and they have helped me in so many ways.
I am now an admin for the CMA group and I am actually doing something of worth, even though it is all volunteer work. I finally have a purpose. I can't work in the NICU, which I so desperately miss. I take care of my family the best that I can. I do what I can to make it day to day.
My cane came a couple days ago, so I now have an assistive walking device. I still have to straight cath. I still live with excruciating pain. I make the most of each day I have. My family knows how much I love them. I don't look sick on the outside, but on the inside I am broken. I am so broken they don't even know what to do for me. I am a zebra. I am determined to make a difference in the migraine world and change the stigma of migraine.
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| I've got this, and I will keep going! |
I wouldn't wish this pain and suffering on my worst enemy, nor would I choose this life, but this is the life I was given. I will make the best with what I have. I don't take the little things for granted.
I am so grateful for all of my friends and family that have been here for me along the way. This past year and a half, have been anything but easy, but I keep on keeping on. I still do what I can to bring a smile to another's face. I try to be positive. I have my days that I am negative and I want to say F it all, but I don't.
I just have to say how grateful I am that I found the Chronic Migraine Awareness Support Group, were it now for them, I can't guarantee where I would be. They were there for me at the right moment. I found them by "chance", but I was meant to find them.
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| I found this in a magazine at the Neurologist's office the other day. Where do they get 72 hours? I have had so many migraines that last well beyond the 72 hour mark. There needs to be so much more awareness and understanding about migraines. |
1 comment:
You aren't broken, Amber. You are one of the bravest, kindest, funniest, friendliest, most beautiful people I know and you know what? One of my Godsends was meeting you. You're not only a Migraine Warrior, you're a Migraine Angel, sprinkling your pixie dust of smiles, silliness, compassion, and encouragement wherever you go. Your family and Jamie are so lucky to have you. It's weird how we can become so attached to people we've never met through CMA but you're a kindred spirit, Amber and one day we are going to meet and have a kick-a$$ dance party with singing and crazy costumes, like in the video you recently posted. And in a way, that kind of makes some of the day-to-day suckiness worth it.
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