Wild, Pain Roller Coaster of a Week.

Gosh, I don't even know where to begin. This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. I had a really bad migraine last week. I went to the infusion center on Tuesday for migraine treatment and I slept 3 days straight. I had to be woken up to take my meds and use the facilities. I was in so much pain and couldn't get out of bed without the projectile vomit. These are the migraines that I wouldn't wish upon anybody.

After hibernating for three days, I felt ok-ish by Saturday. Sunday, the migraine and gastroparesis were back with a vengence. I was to the point where death sounded better than to continue to live with this pain. When I have pain that severe, I also hallucinate. I had a man standing right next to me in bed and he looked just like my Uncle Van. It was comforting having him there, whoever it was. I called Rick, because he was at work. He told me to take a dilaudid and try to get some more sleep. I took dilaudid and phenegran and woke up a few hours with the pain level decreased, but not gone. I am ok with that. As long as I can function I try to fight through the pain.

Monday  was a pretty good day. I was in the postdromal phase. This is also referred to "migraine hangover" because you still feel pretty run down, exhausted, and still fighting the pain.

Tuesday, oh how I loved Tuesday! I was pain free. I woke up without pain. I was able to drive. I was able to run errands. I felt like a normal human and forgot what it felt like not to be in pain. The following video is one I made on Tuesday, it was intended for my CMA group, but I accidentally loaded it on my own page. I thought, I could remove it, but then I decided to leave it up. Why? Because my motto in my life is dance like nobody is watching and sing like nobody is listening. This video is a perfect example. I was doing absolutely horrible moves, but I had so much fun and it brought smiles to so many.

Happy Tuesday Dancing to Tiffany "I Think We're Alone Now"

I was so hopeful that Wednesday would be a great day also, because my major triggers (full moon, shift in barometric pressures, bad smells) were no where in sight or smell when I went to bed.

Good days play tricks on us. I got hit with a monster migraine while I was cooking dinner. I was on the verge of puking. Mallory, my 7 year old, said "Mom, we are not going to do this! You have been having such a great day, I don't another migraine to knock you down. What can  I do?" I reassured her that I took my anti-nausea medicine. She ran and got me a tapioca pudding and made me sit down. She said she would finish dinner. I just had to tell her what to do. (we were making green been tater tot casserole), she made me take migraine meds and told me to go to bed. Rick (my husband) was home. I took Aleve andAxert and went up to bed. Mallory brought her pillow and blenakets into my room and laid on the floor next to my side of the bed. She says, "i will stay awake until I know for sure that you are ok". I gave here loves and did the bad , dreams, bad dreams so away". She went right tosleep;

I have a lot more to add, but I can't even hold my head up.

Today is Saturday, April 12 2014, I am adding to my post that I started the other night before a migraine kicked in. I can feel one coming on now as I sit here typing. There is a storm rolling in, which is always a huge trigger. Any shift in barometric pressure triggers a flare up. I took Aleve and Axert and will hopefully make it through this post before the bad verbage, spelling, mistakes, and everything else kicks in.

So, after I went to bed to Tuesday night, Mallory stayed in my room. She slept on the floor right next to my bed so that she could help me if I needed it. She tears at my heart strings. She is so concerned for me and tries so hard to take care of me and make sure that I am o.k. I feel guilty, because I should be the one caring for her. I am blessed to have her and Savannah. Savannah helps with making sure they both get something to eat when it is so difficult to even get out of bed. I have a fear that my girls are going to grow up resenting me because I was sick all the time.

Wednesday morning came and I was much worse than I was when I went to bed Tuesday night. My entire body was pulsating. I was covered in hives. Light was bugging me, which is unusual. I don't have many migraines where the light bothers me. Every little noise was unbearable. I hurt. I was miserable. My right leg was so weak. I had to straight cath. Every Wednesday is couples therapy followed by Mindful Meditation. Originally, Rick and I were going to drive separately because he had to go to a meeting for work, and I was going to meet some dear friends for lunch, whom I had not seen in a very long time. It was evident that I was in no condition to drive. So Rick drove us to therapy and my friend, Jae Lynne, said she could come to the hospital to pick me up for lunch.

I was really depressed because this was the first day that I have had to use my cane. Even though I knew the day was coming, I just wasn't emotionally and mentally prepared to use it. I just wanted to curl up and cry, but I was not going to let Jae Lynne down again. I had cancelled plans with her so many times. I have to say, it was so hard for me emotionally, to be out and about and having to use a cane to get around, especially since I was feeling so great the day before. I had ordered my cane online. It is a zebra and it was hand carved in Kenya. I figured if I had to get a "walking stick" I was going to get one that made people smile. It did not make me smile this day.

My first day using my cane, headed to therapy.

Jae Lynne was outside waiting for me when I walked out the doors. She came running to me and gave me the biggest hug. We both just cried. I am crying right now just reliving the moment. I was so touched that she still wanted anything to do with me after all of the times that I cancelled plans. We went to lunch at Cafe Trang, one of my favorite places, and I was pleasantly surprised to see Becky Smith there too. As crappy as I felt, it was so nice being able to have lunch with them and interact with somebody other than medical professionals and people from counseling. We didn't have near enough time to catch up on everything, but I loved seeing them and being able to spend some time with them.

I came home and decided to sit out on the deck and soak in some sun since my vitamin D level is critically low. I am taking vitamin D supplements, but I figured I would sit out there for a few minutes. Mallory decided she wanted to join me. I was eating my tapioca pudding, I have to eat it when I take my meds, to keep my GI tract happy. We were enjoying our pudding, when all of a sudden my chair folded up on me!

You can see both Ozzy and Cher went after our pudding. Mallory and I were laughing so hard!

Don't worry, I survived, and I think it is just what I needed to lift my spirits.

Thursday came and I spent a huge chunk of the day in bed, because I was fighting pain and vomiting.  I am wearing the do rag because my migraine hurt so bad, that my hair even hurt, it is called allodynia.  I still managed to make it out of bed later in the afternoon.

Sent this pic to Rick when he was sitting across the room from me, and the message said "I Love You!"

 I had to go get my new glasses and contacts, because they were in. Rick drove me to eye doc. Savi and I decided to do a few more photo ops with the cane since I was more stable as far as my emotions associated with the pain goes.

Trying to balance on weak leg, to help strengthen it.

Another attempt at balancing on weak leg.

The wind started to blow and the mail was starting to blow away. Amber to the rescue!!

I might get knocked down, but I will always get back up. Friday was a pretty good day. The girls didn't have school. I spent a couple of hours on the phone with my therapist because Disability is wanting more information. My girls were playing with their friends. I just tried to keep it a low key day. My therapist said that I cannot do any activity for longer than two hours He said I need to stop and rest for 2 hours to allow my body to regroup. he told me that I need to listen to my body and that I need to stop pushing myself through the pain. Pushing myself only makes my recovery that much more difficult.